Ramzee says:
The art of the perfect threat has
nothing to do with how subtle it is or how direct; these things are all
subjective. The only thing that’s
important is how effective it is when you deliver it. As a child, the threat that was the most
effective at striking fear into me was when my mother would say, “Just you wait
until your father gets home.” How
perfect is that? Subtle enough to not
directly say what’s going to happen to me when my father gets home, yet direct
enough for me to know that an unimaginable world of hurt could possibly be on
its way home to me once my father steps through the door.
Now, we’ve all grown up with
someone, at least once, threatening us or us threatening someone else. What film has given us though, is the threat
that we all wish we had the opportunity to say to an enemy just once. Something well timed, sometimes poetic,
perhaps funny but always scary to the person at the receiving end. So here are my ultimate top 5 threats that
are overshadowed only by my mother threatening me with corporal punishment at
the end of my father’s belt.
5. Payback
“Tell me where John is and I’ll
finish you quick. I promise you won’t
have to find out what your left ball tastes like.”
Kris Kistofferson says this
calmly to a bound and gagged Mel Gibson after torturing Mel and then telling
him that he will give him a blood transfusion just to keep him alive so that he
can torture him some more. As if the
thought of having your left testicle removed isn’t scary enough, this guy
includes feeding that testicle to you as part of his threat!
4. Dirty Harry
“Go ahead, make my day.”
A Clint Eastwood classic. You knew this had to make the list. Out of context, this shouldn’t even count as
a threat but Dirty Harry is just looking for any excuse to split your head with
a bullet from that .44 Magnum hand cannon that he calls a gun. So if you give him an opportunity to blow a
hole through the back of your head he will consider it a pretty good day. Now, do you feel lucky punk? Do ya?
3. Stand By Me
“No, Ace, just you.”
This coming of age 80’s drama had
a scene that sent chills through me the first time I saw it. One of the most subtle threats I’ve ever
heard yet so spine chillingly cold that it could make the most fearless Spartan
stop dead in his tracks and think twice about taking another step towards you.
Little Gordie is holding a gun
pointed at Ace, played by a douchey Kiefer Sutherland back when he was still a
Lost Boy and way before he had that terrible day as Jack Bauer. Gordie points the gun at Ace and the group of
bullies who threaten to beat the future acting careers out of the dorky main
characters (Will Wheaton, Corey Feldman, River Phoenix and Jerry O’
Connel).
Ace sniggers at Gordie holding the
gun and says, “What are you gonna do?
Shoot us all?”
To which Gordie softly replies.
“No, Ace, just you.”
2. Pulp Fiction
“I’m gonna get medieval on your
ass.”
I shouldn’t even have to explain
why this made the list. Marcellus
Wallace just got raped and sent the rapist’s genitals flying through his own
asshole into the wall behind him, courtesy of a shot gun. While Mr. Rapist is screaming in pain,
Marcellus proceeds to inform him that he isn’t through with him yet. Not by a long shot. Here’s the full threat:
“What now? Let me tell you what now. I’m gonna call a
couple o’ hard pipe hittin’ niggas to go to work on the homes here with a pair
of pliers and a blowtorch. You hear me talkin’ hillbilly boy? I ain’t through
with you by a damn sight. I’m gonna get medieval on your ass.”
1.
The
Terminator
“I’ll be back.”
Why did three simple words make
it to number one on my list? Because
when the Terminator tells you he’ll be back, it means he’s coming back to fuck
you up. That simple.
The Jillybean says:
There's been many times I wished
I had the balls or the quick thinking behind scaring the living crap out
of someone who has pissed me off to the point where I get the crazy
eye. Oh the power of words in that moment. However, keeping it cool
while using those words..is where the powers at.
So allow me to share my top
movie threats that many times I wish could just roll off my tongue in
the heat of the moment. With this said, there's no reason to further explain
the why's and who's and when's...these words says it all. My top 5 threats.
5. Major pain
“Boy, I am two seconds from being
on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm.
I'm gonna put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your
thirst!”
4. The Long Kiss Goodnight
“It ain’t over. You're gonna die
screaming...and I'm gonna watch. Am I telling the truth?”
3. Kill Bill (vol 2)
“I'm a killer. A murdering
bastard, you know that. And there are consequences to breaking the heart of a
murdering bastard.”
2. Kill Bill (vol 1)
“The price you pay for bringing
up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is...I collect your fucking
head. Just like this fucker here! Now, if any of you sons of bitches got
anything else to say, now's the fucking time! ..I didnt think so.”
1. Taken
“I don't know who you are. I
don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't
have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I
have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for
people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I
will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t; I will look for
you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
One day, when I've grown my
golden balls, perfected the calm and controlled tone and get the crazy eye
twitching with just enough speed, I do hope one of my top 5 threats just rolls
off the tip of my tongue.
And that is all.
