Top 5 Sexiest Scenes

Ramzee says:

First it needs to be said that there is a difference between “sex scenes” and “sexy scenes”.  Sexy is subtle and titillating without being smutty.  The thought lingers in the mind long after the film is done.  Sex is raw and involves women named Camille Toe and guys who have a weird uncontrollable urge to spit in a lady’s nether regions...or maybe that’s just the movies I watch.  Nevertheless, this list is about sexiness for one of the main reasons being that I don’t end up listing porn and Jillybean doesn’t list the several movies where Ewan McGregor shows his wang.  So here’s the list of top 5 movie scenes that got men drooling like Ethiopian refugees outside KFC.

 5. Basic Instinct – Sharon Stone crossing her legs 

You knew this had to make the list!  For anyone who thinks this is a little too obvious and a bit cliché, let me defend this choice by pointing out that no other film scene has made men wear out the remote control like this one...just so we could pause it at the right exact moment.  Confirmed.  She’s not wearing any underwear.  Now what was Michael Douglas’ role in the movie?

4. One Night at McCool’s – Liv Tyler washing a car

I have absolutely no idea what this movie was about.  The only thing I remember is the elf princess from Lord of The Rings getting soaked in the sexiest car wash scene I’ve ever seen.  

3. Cruel Intentions – Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair kiss

Why?  Because it’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer making out with Hellboy’s girlfriend, that’s why.

2. The Girl Next Door – Elisha Cuthbert looking over her shoulder

To me this is one of the most understated scenes.  The movie is filled with copious amounts of scenes that have Elisha Cuthbert oozing the combination of cuteness and sex appeal that only she can pull off.  But the scene where Emile Hirsch sees her through the window is by far the scene that stands out for me.  The idea of the girl next door being Elisha Cuthbert, you seeing her undress through the window and then to top it off she gives you a hint of an indication that she knows you’re watching and gives that last little look over her shoulder before she turns off the light.  That is sexy.  In a movie that’s pretty much entirely about sex and porn, the sexiest moment belongs to a simple glance over the shoulder.  Also, if you haven’t seen this movie, it is perhaps one of the sweetest coming-of-age movies you will see and will have you quoting lines from the movie for days to come. “The juice is worth the squeeze”.

1. From Dusk Till Dawn – Salma Hayek table dance

And at number one we have the mistress of the macabre, the epitome of evil, the most sinister woman that has ever danced on the face of this earth.  Lowly dog! Bow your head, kneel and worship at the feet of Santanica Pandemonium.

A meaty Salma Hayek deserves nothing less than the above intro from the movie.  This scene captures “sexy” like nothing else.  Even the part with that albino python slithering up her leg makes you want to reach through the TV screen regardless of your paralysing ophidiophobia (that’s fear of snakes).  Salma Hayek is so hot in this movie that even Tarantino cast himself as George Clooney’s ugly brother just so he could drink beer off Miss Hayek’s magnificent feet (or at least that’s my theory).

Through all of that sexiness she doesn’t take her top off once.  Not even a tiny little nip slip.  She leaves it to the imagination.  I can only imagine that if she did expose her splendid breasts, all the vampires would’ve started to sparkle, a choir of angels would’ve started singing and the liquor would’ve turned into holy water.  Such is the splendour of Salma Heyek’s table dance in From Dusk Till Dawn.

The Jillybean says:

Not a list that one can fault in any way. When Ramzee and I started chatting about the next list, I struggled a bit. Let’s just say that women and men’s taste in what gets their blood pumping aren’t very different after all. How these scenes played out was more of an emotional selection, rather than an “Ooh! That’s hot” cherry pick. 

5.  Secretary – Maggie Gyllenhaal being spanked by James Spader

Oh. My. Soul. The furthest thing from subtle but hey, we all have fantasies. And this people, is one of them. Getting a good ass beating for being a bad girl and then getting sent on your merry ‘ol way with your butt on fire. That just tickles my fancy. 

4.   40 Days 40 Nights – Feather highs

Since Harry Met Sally, did you ever think the moaning untouchable will make a screen appearance again?  Hours after watching this movie, all I kept thinking was, “where’s a feather when you need one”. The fact that he does not touch her at all makes my skin stand.

His breathe and a feather. That’s all it took. I’m still on my feather hunt. 

3.  Unfaithful – In bed after they’ve just made love 

Oh Olivier, this really isn’t fair. Just looking at you is a turn on. However, while your prey lies ever so still in her slumber, you draw an arrow pointing towards her nether regions (basically claiming your flower), gently blows it to make sure the ink is dry and then covers up her belly again. It’s the blowing that got me. The subtle kind of course.

A great wife finds a greater lover and has the greatest love affair.

2. The girl next door – In motel room and she realizes what he’s brought her there for

Elisha Cuthbert. Babe! Nuff said.

Well, even though she plays a porn star, I could not picture her being that kind of girl. She’s vulnerable, beautiful and finds herself trapped in a shit brick situation. And that’s why, when she tiger crawls onto the bed, gently spanks her butt and starts rubbing it slowly, it makes me want to say, “hush” and then hold her tight, make sweet heavenly love while she looks at me with those puppy dog eyes.

Lesbihonest, a girl can dream too. Of other girls.

1.   300 - When king Leonidas makes love to his beautiful queen 

before he goes to war

I remember gasping for breath when I finally snapped out of it. The scene is shot brilliantly and every moment of ecstasy is captured. As each clip quickly appeared and then quickly disappeared, it made my heart race, wanting more. The movement of their bodies is so in sync, it makes you wonder if you’re doing it right? Saying goodbye to your beautiful queen surely calls for hot passionate love making where nipples becomes so tight, you could break those beauties off. Only a woman who’s been taken to heaven and back…and then, well, back again will know that his queen was in paradise.  And so was I.

They give a little, and they take a little and then their poor hearts, break a little.

And that is all.

*We were unable to find a suitable clip for The Jillybean’s  no.1 choice.  If anyone can find it, please post the link in the comments section. 

Top 5 Movie Fight Scenes

Ramzee says:

Somewhere deep inside us is that primal fetish to see people beat the snot out of each other.  This probably stems from a childhood of longing to be the victor in a fight.  Nothing says “competition” better than two men beating the crap out of each other.  Mano a mano.  Toe to toe. 

Tyler Durden said it the best, “How much can you really know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?”

When you’re a little boy, you dream of being able to take on the school bully and propel his face through the back of his head with a Jean-Claude Van Damme spinning heal kick.  You cheered to the symphony of breaking bones and snapping necks while watching Steven Seagal take on the baddies.  Why did you watch those old karate movies even though their mouths didn’t move in sync with the words?  You couldn’t care less about the dialogue.  You cared even less about the story.  So why did you sit and watch those movies over and over again with your friends?  The answer is simple.  It’s because everybody was kung fu fighting and their kicks were fast as lightning!  You were able to live out your wildest, most violent fantasies and be the hero at the end of it all.  Let’s face it, we all have something worth fighting for but the Van Damme’s and Seagal’s of the movies were the ones who actually threw the punches.  So now, in honour of those who made us jump from the top of our double bunk beds and rescue the girl next door, after delivering a swift round-house kick to the Joe Pesci looking bad guy who kidnapped her; here is my ultimate fight club of top 5 movie fight scenes.

5. Daniel Larusso (Daniel-san)  VS  Johnny Lawrence – The Karate Kid

Why?  Because no fight scene has embedded itself more deeply into pop culture.  Try to remember the excitement of when you saw this for the first time.  You were Daniel-san.  You were the underdog.  The evil sensai of the Cobra Kai dojo tells Johnny Lawrence to “Sweep the leg”.  You’re horrified!  Even Johnny Lawrence couldn’t believe what he was hearing but he does what his sensai tells him and executes the sweep kick, injuring Daniel whose leg was already injured from a previous round. It looked like Johnny was going to win the round and retain the title.  Then came the most iconic martial arts move in the history of cinema.  The crane kick.  Yes, the one we all practiced as children.  Daniel-san delivers the coup de grace with the crane kick and wins the trophy.  The real win?  Johnny Lawrence handing over the trophy saying, “You’re all right, Larusso.”

4. Rocky Balboa  VS  Apollo Creed – Rocky

If this list was longer, I would have Rocky I – IV on it.  Honestly, all four movies have amazing fight scenes but, for me, part one has to get the spot on this list.  Watching Rocky go the distance, trading punches with the champion and seeing him illustrate his motto “it’s not about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward”, is enough to make your heart stop.  You scream and cheer for Rocky to get up and push through.  You get pumped with adrenaline when Mickey yells motivation at Rocky after each round.  Best of all is when you hold your breath as they count out the final round and see that Rocky gave as good as he got.  It didn’t even matter that he didn’t win that match.  The match-up was so intense that you know it couldn’t have ended any better.  And as for the Italian Stallion; he didn’t care about winning either.  He just wanted to make it to the final round and wanted Adrienne to be there with him when he did it.

3. Jackie Chan  VS  anyone else in the movie – Drunken Master 2

See Jackie Chan at his best.  If you haven’t seen this movie then you MUST make an effort to find it.  Find a video store with a good selection of old movies, visit that cousin who claims he can download all the seasons of Lost in one day, petition for the “Classic Movies” channel to play this one.  Do what you need to.  It’s worth it. 

Before Jackie Chan became a comedian, before he used ladders to slap comical bad guys across the face and way before Hollywood crapped Chris Tucker all over this man’s true martial arts ability and insane fight choreography, THERE WAS DRUNKEN MASTER. 

Pick a fight scene, any fight scene and it will blow the moustache off your creepy uncle’s face!

2. Jet Li  VS  Mel Gibson and Danny Glover – Lethal Weapon 4

Jet Li’s first transition into American film.  I know, a lot of people are throwing up their hands right now and spouting “WTF” and a barrage of other consonants that’s formed part of the attack on the English language.  Relax, I am fully aware that Jet Li has starred in some of the best martial arts movies that the Far East has been so kind to offer us.  But watch this movie again and get back to me…

The final scene shows Riggs and Murtaugh circling the diminutive Jet Li, ready to tear him a new one and several more if they can.  Murtaugh towers over Jet Li and Riggs has that crazy look in his eyes.  Seems like an easy one.  The fight ensues with Jet Li ripping through the two old timers.  He even dislocates Riggs’ shoulder…again.  What makes this one of my favourite fight scenes, is the fact that there are no invisible wires and that not everyone involved in this fight knows karate.  The two cops don’t dance around Li and fight him one at a time.  They run at him together and proceed to try and give him an old fashioned beat down with their fists.  They manage to spear an iron rod through his chest and then shoot and drown the little guy, but not before he takes Mel Gibson with him.  It would have been easier to kill Jason Vorhees.  Murtaugh saves Riggs as usual.

1. Bruce Lee  VS  Chuck Norris – Way of the Dragon  

It’s a fight scene between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris!  You should be weeping at the very thought of being able to see something like this. 

One more reason to see this is simply to see Bruce Lee pull out the indestructible Chuck Norris’ glorious chest hair.  It can be done!  Believe it. 

*True story:

After filming, Chuck Norris offered Bruce Lee a beverage.  Chuck asked Bruce what he would like to drink, to which Bruce replied, “Wataaa”.

The Jillybean says:

My best kick ass moments…also the moves I secretly imagine myself doing to Ramzee at times. 

5. Karate Kid 

The Crane Kick…how I wish I could put a boot in someone’s head like that. Daniel San…you inspire me in my weakest moments. 

4. The Rock

 The movie is a bit hazy for me, however, Nick…I didn’t mind if you had dropped that green little ball we all ended up like cheesy Thriller Zombies. You made me love blue jeans. 

3. House of Flying Daggers 

I think this must be one of the best spaghetti movies made. I mean, a hot blind Asian chic jumping around with her tiny little body, throwing around some daggers. I don’t mind rolling around in the meadows with you. You can even smack me around a couple of times. 

2. Rocky 1 

CUT IT! CUT IT! OMG! Cut it already! Ya know! 

1. Warrior

The latest kick ass movie I’ve seen. Hands down it was simply brilliant. The thick of this tale was so emotional of how families try to support each other and try to right their wrongs was intense. A story of two brothers who ultimately beat the crap out of each other at the end. The final fight was so intense I was on the couch asking Tommy to please stop! World class fighting. A must see.

And that is all.

Top 5 Movie Bromances

Ramzee says:

This was a difficult one.  I sat down and thought, “This is going to be a breeze.  I’ll just list the first few that pop into my head.”  Problem is that the first few that popped into my head was a list of 15 really good ones.  So I proceeded to whittle them down by eliminating ones that were simply just too gay (my apologies to Matt Damon and Ben Affleck for Good Will Hunting).  Next to help whittle the list down even more was to take off some of the buddy cop movies (the list was made up of almost entirely buddy cop movies).  Now, all I needed to do was put them in order of preference.

First, an explanation for the ladies :

The bromance is a bond that only a man can fully understand.  Women have a new best friend every two years but a bromance lasts a lifetime.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t see each other for years, if you insult each other every day or if you get into heated arguments about your favourite football teams; you can always count on your bro to lay down in traffic for you if you need it.  It’s an unspoken bond.  A love that will put Romeo and Juliet to shame.  Jillybean, if you still don’t understand, here’s a joke that might shed some light on why film has always celebrated the bromance but never makes mention of the Ho-mance.

“A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.”

…and now the list:

5. Shaun & Ed – Shaun of the Dead

Shaun’s mother turns into a flesh eating zombie and Shaun kills her.  What else could he do?  Besides, once she turned into a zombie she was already dead.  Why this made it to the bromance list is because later in the movie, Shaun’s best friend, Ed, also turns into a zombie.  Does Shaun kill his bro like he did his mother?  No way, he sets up a TV and x-box in the shed, brings beer and sandwiches and hangs out with his zombie bro.  Now that’s love.

4. Han Solo & Chewbacca – Star Wars

Why?  Because Han and Chewy are the ultimate badasses who only show the vulnerable side to each other.  We all know that if Darth Vader had told Han to choose between saving Leia or watching Chewy die, he would have chosen the wookie every time.  Ultimate moment is when Han is captured by Jabba The Hut and Chewy screams out in the most chilling, shrill wookie scream that can only be matched to the emotion felt when Rocky screamed “Adrieeene!”.

3. Timon & Pumba – The Lion King

Without each other, the words “Hakuna Matata” would not mean anything.  They stick with each other through thick and thin and the bond between these two friends is so great that it outshines the film itself.

2. Dr. Evil & Mini-me – Austin Powers

This is a weird one but it had to make the list.  Maybe it’s too much of a father/son relationship and maybe it’s just Dr. Evil’s narcism that makes him love the clone of himself but the bromance between these two is as strong as any that have been portrayed in the history of film.  Only a true bromance can have a fat bald guy say to a small bald guy, “you complete me”, and make the viewer say, “aaww”, instead, “ugh, get a room!”

1.    Riggs & Murtaugh – Lethal Weapon

My number one favourite bromance of all time was an easy choice.  Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh start off as an unlikely duo who, at first, hate each other but then grow to love each other.  From the first Lethal Weapon to the last film in the franchise, these two are willing to take a bullet for each other.  Riggs turns into a soft hearted “uncle” when he is with Murtaugh’s family and the timid family man, Murtaugh, turns into one of the toughest, most hard-core characters in the film when Riggs is in danger.  They bring out the best in each other and forgive the worst.  Lethal Weapon’s success is in the chemistry between the two bros and the lengths they will go to when helping each other.  The final Lethal Weapon sums up their relationship nicely.  At the end of the film, when someone takes a picture of them and their families, the photographer asks them, “Are you guys all friends?” to which they reply in unison, “No, we’re family”.

The Jillybean says:

Lets give this a bash.

5.    Hot fuzz

I’d say it’s almost impossible to have a bromance list without Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in it.

4.   Joe Barber

I know this one is a stage performance but this play rounds off my bromance list nicely. Just keeping it real folks. Joe Barber and Boeta Gamat are simply two of the coolest old souls on video. Quick witted, soft centred met hulle vuil pap monde gets me roaring with laughter. Two friends with a passion for hair and each other. In action, they make my heart melt. 

3      Wedding Crashers

Ok…weird fact. This movie actually made me want to trade in my florals for some twig and berries. Yes, I wanted to be a dude but only for an hour or so. Never has a bromance movie got under my skin. They made being horny wedding crashers seem so applaudable…and doing it together seem so…not gay.

2.    Pulp Fiction

Yes these bad boys show off their hardcore gangster ways but the back and forth conversation between Vega and Jules also shows that there’s a real deep understanding between the two. If I was a dude, I'd want to toss in with these guys. The deep love and un-awkwardness of their affection for each other portrayed by two complete friggin nutters makes this a classic must see bromance. Bring on the luuuurve brother.

1         Laurel and Hardy

 One of my childhood memories takes me back to Lotus River…standing in a corner...and facing the wall. Earlier that day I had put a Frulati bottle in the back wheel of my bike which made a “VROOM VROOM” sound. My BMX was new and to my mom, this was me trying to fuck it up again. So…this was my punishment. Anyways, I managed to catch a glimpse of the tele in my peripherals (for extra effect) they had put the sound on really low to ensure I got no enjoyment in that friggin corner. Basically, I could hear jack shit. But I could see a funny episode of Laurel and Hardy. Since then, I was hooked. These short slapstick comedies have me in stitches every time. I’m not too sure if you know how the Laurel and Hardy duo all started but I think these two were born to be together. With their mischievous ways, always up for adventure, these warm hearted, fun loving, tit for tat homies are just killer together. 

….and that is all.

Top 5 Tearjerkers

Ramzee says: 

Big boys don’t cry.  I trust that all men are in agreement with this.  Just like daddy taught us, it doesn’t matter how many women say they want a “sensitive man in touch with his emotions”, real men do not shed tears in front of other people.  When you feel that Spongebob moment come on, where your eyes well up with tears just before the sprinkler system opens up in your tear ducts, you swallow all that emotion, and with a manly cough, excuse yourself from the room.  It’s a rule…up there with not drinking pink drinks.  And no, you cannot use “there’s something in my eye” anymore.  Also, everybody in the room knows that you don’t have hay fever.

There are times, however, when it is almost acceptable to cry.  By this I mean that the other guys won’t judge you.  It is acceptable only in the case of the death of a close relative or friend, when your team loses or wins the cup and after you’ve watched the list of movies below.  Here is my list of Top 5 tear jerkers.  Watch alone so that your manliness will never be questioned by your wife or girlfriend (they WILL tell all their friends about “that time you cried”)

5. Armageddon

When Bruce Willis cries, it’s ok to cry.

4. Hachiko

The relationship between a man and his pet is sacred and when you see a dog illustrate that unspoken bond, you can’t help but get all choked up.

3. Toy Story 3

Only fans of the first movie will understand why this is on the list.  They build up the emotion amazingly in this film and when it comes to the final scene, you actually feel the loss when you realize that you are hearing Buzz Lightyear say “To infinity and beyond” for the last time.  That Toy Story theme tune just helps grease your tear ducts even more.

2. Up

This movie will make you cry like a little girl.  If you’ve seen it, then you know what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t, then get the tissues ready, Nancy-boy.

1. The Green Mile

This gets me every time I watch it.  Yes, it’s set in a prison but it is possibly one of the most heart-wrenching films I’ve ever seen.  This one doesn’t break you because you witness the death of your favourite character to the back track of a Sarah McLachlan song.  What makes you bawl like a child who just saw Mufasa die, is when you see the prison guards fight back the tears when they have to execute one of their own friends.  Don’t worry, that wasn’t a spoiler, the movie starts with the guy on death row.  You know from the opening scene that he’s getting the chair.  They all stand around this giant with tears in their eyes, about to execute him, when this behemoth of a man tells them “it’s ok” and then asks them to not put the execution bag over his head because he’s afraid of the dark.  Oh… My… God!  I dare you to keep a straight face at that moment.

And those are my top 5 films that should have been sponsored by Twinsaver.

The Jillybean says:

Doesn't take much to get this old girl pissing through her eyes. Here's my top 5 bawler haulers...

5. I am Sam

The part when he’s running with the cake gets me every freakin time!

4. Charlottes Webb

Wilbur finds out that he’ll be eaten for dinner. A major character dies. Peacefully but alone. Need I say more? One of the best children books I’ve read and watched. This is a movie you’d want your little ones to see. Great lessons to be learnt.

3. UP!

Come on all you Lion King lovers…sob your heart out.

2. Love, sex and other drugs

Why did the pretty, quirky, cool chic with the nice boobs have to have the shakes? Just wrong. But when he comes back and stops the bus in a ball hairs timing..OH MY SOUL..I became one big tear drop. PLOP!

 1. My sisters keeper

This movie had me bawling from the beginning to end. It was so emotional, I had to take breaks.

In Time

Ramzee says:

Took me a while to watch this movie.  Wanted to see it since I saw the trailer and thought that the premise was pretty interesting.  “At last”, I thought, “Hollywood has come up with a new idea, rather than just do poor remakes of the great films of yore.”  I’m obviously referring to the shitty remake of The Karate Kid.  Mr.Miyagi must be turning in his grave!

Finally decided to hire the movie when it came out on DVD (couldn’t get a clear enough copy to download).  This happened to be on the same day I bought my new phone with all its Android software and James Bond-like extras.

Naturally, when I started the movie, I spent the occasional couple of minutes looking up at the screen from my phone, which had my full attention since I left the store with it.  About 15 to 20min into the movie, around the time I was using one of the apps on my phone to check the weather in Uzbekistan, the movie took a dramatic turn, making me put down the phone and send a “G2G” to my girlfriend who I was chatting with at the time.

What In Time does well is develop the story without explaining every detail of what’s going on or why/how the futuristic society became the way it is.  No long voice-overs, no flashbacks. The pace of the movie is great and the acting is decent.  Throw in a cool plot and you have a movie good enough to make you ignore the incoming message tone from your phone.

In Time explores the idea of time not only being money but also life.  The idea is that each person in the future is born with a “clock” which carries one year of time.  This clock starts counting down at the age of 25 or 26 years old (I don’t remember).  You go to work, they pay you in time and add extra time to your clock.  So now you have a few extra weeks on your clock, depending on your “salary”.  This also means that you stay 25 years old until you die (or run out of time). 

The main character, played by Justin Timberlake, inherits 100 years from a man who is simply tired of living.  If you earn enough time, you can live forever.

Of course a chain of events lead JT to go to the Upper East Side and show the kids from Gossip Girl the error of their ways when he is hunted for his “time”.

Justin Timberlake seems to be getting better at his acting with each movie.  It also stars that girl from that ABBA movie where she acted with Pierce Brosnan and Meryl Streep.  But the person who steals the show is “The Time Keeper” brilliantly played by Cillian Murphy in all his creepiness.

I’d say this is very much a guy’s movie with all its car chases, action scenes, hot women and over the top cheesy one-liners.  Definitely worth a drive to the video store to get a clear copy.

The Jillybean says:

Within 5 minutes, I was rapt. What had me is undoubtedly one of the most “I think my heart just stopped” movie moments I’ve experienced.

At first I wasn’t sure why Ramzee wanted me to see this movie but then I mentioned it to a group of friends, who then had their own HOO HAH opinions on it.

So, packed out with a buddy of mine, munchies all strategically placed for easy access, we started watching “IN TIME”

Not too sure what to expect, I quickly got settled into one of the best futuristic movie concepts I have seen in a while.

I must admit, at times the acting seemed a bit wishy-washy (though JT plays a brilliant role of Will Salas) but the action packed feast with a spice of love mixed with this appetizing theory,  just made this movie freakin awesome!

There is one more thing that simply blew my mind about this flick. If you’re a motor vehicle aficionado and these beauties get you hot under the collar…do watch this. It’s much too yummy not to see what these guys pull out of the vintage collection.  

A movie that will definitely make you think twice the next time you want to say “Don’t waste my time”.

Thank you Ramzee. This one was entertaining and was certainly not a waste of my time.